Posted by: tootingtrumpet | March 8, 2009

The Strauss Tapes Part VII

fig1After a post free day, a package arrived at the door of the Tooting Trumpet in deepest South London. Postmarked “Trinidad – the Island Paradise (as long as you stay close to your hotel)” inside was a tape, a transcript of which appears below. In other news, The Trumpet has had his attention drawn to previous leaks from England dressing rooms such as this and this


“What happened? To be honest, I was asleep on Harmy’s couch for most of the afternoon. All right Belly, yes I did see Owais’ run out. Owais, don’t sniffle: you’re a grown man for heaven’s sake.”

“Belly – just nip along to reception and make sure they have set the DVD to record the highlights of South Africa vs Aus will you? And check that it’s not been rated 18”

“Colly – I had the perfect vantage point for your innings. I woke up just in time to see you give it away, but at least you didn’t get the double ton to remind everyone of er… the other time you got a double ton”

“Matt – put the mobile down will you? Believe me, the baby doesn’t change much from day-to-day and you’ll soon wish you were on tour twelve months per year. You’ve really cemented your place at Number Six. No Matt – we’re still not sure about ‘keeper”

“Swanny – it wasn’t you in the shades and the Brian Lara T-shirt chatting up the Trini Possee was it? I don’t care if it was too good a chance to miss, it looks unprofessional, and you know how the ECB stress the importance of never being seen to be unprofessional. Don’t smirk Kevin.”

“Amjad – Do they play much baseball in Denmark? I’m just asking that’s all. They were no balling you for the front foot – I checked. What’s that? You’ll be hyper-exhausted, never mind hyper-extended, by the end of this match”.

“Monty – stop smiling so much – you look like the Cheshire Cat. But keep bowling like that, and we’ll have to drop you and bring you back more often”




  1. Where does Strauss get his optimism from? He obviously turns it on for the team – good captaincy material. I wonder if there is a Freddie tapes archive? I bet the South Australian transcripts would make horrific reading.

    Meanwhile – for all those cricketing Manic Street Preachers fans – It looks like it should read “4REAL” on that forearm.

  2. Rooto – I think Straussy is thinking about winning this match and retaining the Wisden Trophy. 1-1 with a draw nine-down isn’t a bad return.

  3. Day four. Nash just got his 100. Top knock in the circumstances. Anderson is bowling very well. Movement off the seam and in the air. The ‘keeping is deplorable. England really haven’t a hope of squaring the series.

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