Posted by: tootingtrumpet | May 11, 2009

The Strauss Tapes Part XIV

bell0512_222985aAfter a week or two without a breach in security, a tape has arrived in sunny South London, the contents of which are transcribed below.



“Andy – he’s the only one of us who knows how to get the highlights from Sky+ to the DVD and Onionsy has promised his mum.

That you Belly? Gee, that was quick – were you sitting by the phone? Anyway, I’ve got some good news for you – you’re in and the Number 3 slot is yours. No, hang on. Dusty’s writing is a bit smudged, it says the Number 13 slot is yours. Anyway you’ve been getting some runs for Worcestershire… Warwickshire, whatever, and we thought you were the right man for the job. No, I’m not sure what job it is either yet, we have the planning meeting on Monday. Sorry Belly – hang on a minute.

Ravi – stop showing Swanny that stuff on your i-phone. If you lose that phone, the journos will have it and trace the websites you’ve been surfing. Well I don’t care if it was a journo who sent you the link, it’s not important. Swanny – you should know better after what happened in India or wherever it was.

Right Belly – make sure you bring your bat and your bowling boots – in case you need them in the nets. Remember – don’t forget the boots.





  1. Far too soon for Bell to get a recall. Understand why Ryan’s back, but little Ian? No. It’s just wrong, wrong and more wrong.

    But that’s sport. Drogba will get maybe a six-match ban. Chelsea will get off virtually scot-free and Tom Boonen will retire.

    Sport does not punish in the way life does.

  2. Gasquet too!

  3. There are many many things I could criticise you for TTT, but I refrain because you’re more or less on target (except for the ashes), and you’re passionate. But I’m not sure I can respect you anymore after publishing that photo. That goes beyond cruel and unusual punishment. It only confirms everyones deepest suspicions about the eternal choirboy.
    Just been in your city for a few days, and unfortunately, reminded of how unpleasant it is when the temperature starts to rise a little and you’re running from place to place.
    Englands new blood policy was great, I hope they continue and don’t bring Bell back too soon. Give the new boys a little time.
    Onionsy will never work. You have to leave phonetics behind and go for rings or fried, or tears. Does Australia have to teach you everything? Did we call him Husseyey?

  4. fred – Henriquesy?

    Heat in London? Horrible true – get a motorbike and it’s a bit easier.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: