Posted by: tootingtrumpet | November 13, 2009

The Strauss Tapes Part XX

StraussyDefying Sarf Larnden’s never-ending postal disruptions, a small packet arrived at the Trumpet’s door this morning which, on opening, revealed a cassette, the contents of which are transcribed below.


Sit down will you Colly.

Right lads come to order. Kevin! Trotty! Can you put the phones down –  and haven’t I told you not to talk in Afrikaans on this trip? Belly – close the door and let’s get started. Oh while you’re up Belly, go and see if the concierge has set up that feed for Strictly on Saturday night – I don’t want to miss Tuffers getting the elbow.

Colly – sit down will you?

Okay – it’s the First ODI tomorrow. (Mumbling). It’s the First Twenty20 tomorrow, so it’s our chance to put a marker down for the series. Remember how important it was to win the T20 match before The Ashes? Don’t look so damned pleased with yourself Stuart, I’m talking about 2005, which is why KP is grinning like that – all right, he always grins like that.

Anyway, I don’t want to talk about the opposition, especially as I had a long chat with Ryan McLaren yesterday only to find out he was playing for them and not for us. I see you’re all laughing except Trotty – very funny isn’t it? And for the last time, no I do not speak the lingo.

Colly – do you need to go to the Gents or something?

Right – Here’s the team Denly, Cooky (whispered – is that right?), Trotty, Owais, sorry not Owais, Colly, Morgan, Matty, Wrighty, Fat Tim, Swanny, Jimmy and, hold on, can’t quite read the writing here, Saj is it? Really? Amazing.

Hang on – am I not in this one? Is that why you’re jumping up and down Colly? Great – I can get on with the Ashes book. Writing it, Cooky, not reading it. Okay Jimmy, sorry, Colly, you’re in charge.



  1. I like the way this tour is scheduled with the T20s first then the ODIs before the Tests.

    Obviously, not much can be gained in the T20s but the ODIs could prove important. Not so much from winning or losing but in the personal contests between bat and ball.

    For example, if Steyn can snare Cook or Strauss in his first spell more often than not during the ODIs then that will be significant psychologically. Alternatively, if one of the England quicks can trouble Smith or if Swann can dominate AB de Villiers or Duminy then that too could prove decisive in the Test series.

    So although England’s expectations will be low during the pyjama stuff performances will be important for the Test series.

    It should be very interesting especially when you consider South Africa’s ordinary 2009 where they were surprised by an inexperienced Australia and then failed miserably at home in the Champions Trophy.

    They will be keen to make amends but if England play well early on I suspect the usual insecurities may well surface for the Proteas.

  2. Yes – England have to squeeze every ounce of Saffer insecurity to the surface from the word go. On skill / talent, we lose every time.

  3. I think SA’s got a better chance in this series. They have a strong line-up and home advantage. I think this is going to be a closely fought series.

  4. Eng have nothing to lose and everything to gain.SA will be insecure about losing home series again (after the loss to Aus), and that may play on their minds.

    But, it will be the bowlers who will decide the outcome.Steyn & Co Vs…?

  5. Well first blood to England. D/L helped, but not many teams will chase 203 under lights.

  6. I am just waiting to see SAJ!!…. hahah..

    and of course, Kev. I expect Kev to be flogged by Parnell , Steyn and probably Kallis at some stage.. any clues which number Kev will be batting at yet?

  7. and Nesta.. .I see the Blues were COMPLETELY BUGGERED by Tasmania this afternoon!!!…

    cricket!!… nothing is ever certain.

  8. It was delicious wasn’t it Pepp. Love North Sydney Oval too. A great ground for one dayers. Our new skip George Bailey is batting very well and he isn’t too far away from an international debut either.

    We’re all very excited and can’t wait till the end of the month to get out to Bellerive under the new floodlights to see the lads in action. (For those that don’t know State fixtures do not begin in the deep south until late November because of concerns about the weather).

    Krezja opening the bowling was a masterstroke against Hughes and Warner who never really got going because of it. I think he only went for 25 off his allotment which was about the difference in the end.

  9. Tooting, the timing of DL helped more than anything. One less over and it would have been the Saffers 2 zip in this series.

    My word, that was some workout today wasn’t it?
    Smiffy must have been really miffed about the game the other day.

    However, I wish this format wasn’t such a meatmarket for bowlers.

  10. Not a fan of 20/20 but worth watching just to see again the look on Saj’s face as the ball hits the ropes. He’s priceless.
    Re the first game, I think I’d rather see a no-result than a decision by maths. We’ll never really know what would have happened.

  11. This is England – they can beat the best with a wind behind them, but they can lose spectacularly without it!

  12. Does anyone else get depressed watching bowlers just get tonked again and again?

    I do. I suppose they should all learn to bowl endless bouncers but even so, the boundaries are too fecking short in twenty/20 games when the batsmen are prepared to chance their arms.

    I like twenty/20’s, but I must be more old-fashioned than I realised as I took more pleasure from Dravid’s superlative driving and playing square on both sides of the wicket in a test match than any twenty/20 innings I have ever seen.

  13. I meant yorkers. Bouncers aren’t even allowed, not so as you’d notice.

  14. Not old Lou just discerning. Although the Indian bowlers are suffering a hiding of a different sort in the Test. The sixth wicket partnership is quickly approaching 300.

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