Posted by: tootingtrumpet | December 9, 2009

The Strauss Tapes Part XXII


“Okay lads. You remember that last night I asked you all to write the one thing that would improve the team? Well, Belly has folded up each piece of paper and put them in KP’s helmet – yes Swanny, it is the biggest we could find – and I’m going to draw them one at a time and read them out. None of us have seen what’s written,  so it’s a real chance to gather the collective wisdom of the squad.”

Rustling sound.

“First one – Play Trotty at 3 and Belly at 6. Hmm… interesting. Next – Play Trotty at 3 and Belly at 6. You were only allowed one thought each… hang on, the handwriting is different. Ah… I see. Well I just hope you two agree as much on a quick single.”

“What’s this? Is that you KP? Very funny. No I can’t understand Afrikaans – well except that bit about Kallis obviously.”

“The captain should play positively looking to score runs all round the wicket while the other opening bat plays the sheet anchor with as few shots as possible, while everyone else does the work. And not fish outside off stump. And look very good with his shiny black hair.”

“More interviews with Jonathan Ross? I expected more of you Stuart – as we all did when you were on that show.”

“Captain to take a leaf out of Vaughany’s book – at last, something constructive – and get that hair thing going.”



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