Posted by: tootingtrumpet | March 5, 2010

The Strauss Tapes – Part XXVI

England's new hero in an interesting kit


“Ian, sorry Eoin, it’s Straussy. Just a quick call to give you a heads-up after that knock the other day – almost as good as Scotty Styris eh? Speak a bit slower please Eoin – you’re not in the Ireland dressing room where they’re used to accents like that – not counting Trent Johnston obviously.

You’ve been getting a lot of Press over here, which is a good job because at 3.30am Sky Sports 2’s viewing figures double if the homeless guy who sleeps in our local Dixons’ shop doorway wakes up. There’s plenty touting you for a slot in the Test line-up, but there’s very few batsmen who start in the international hit and giggle then make a go of real stuff straight away. Okay, apart from Colly… and KP… and me. All right Eoin – I’m sure it was Swanny who told you.

Anyway, Eoin, cricket’s a cruel game -just ask Joe Denly. D-E-N-L-Y: plays for Kent, and will for a long time now. So enjoy it while the going is good and all those reverse sweeps are coming off and Swanny is your best mate, because, believe me, none of that will last forever.

I’m off to winter nets now, so I’ll see you back at Lord’s in April… Ah yes, you’ll be at the Twenty20, so May?… Okay, you’ll be in the IPL. How about June? Hang on, I’ll be playing Test cricket, so… maybe in the ODIs whenever they are…  Give my regards to your brother Kevin… I thought you had a brother who played. So that’s not you, that’s Niall O’Brien? Sorry Eoin, once you guys have the lids on, I can only recognise Stuart and KP.”


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  1. Ringring*….

    (answering machine ) .. ‘you’ve reached Shane and Sim, leave a message after the bleep, keep it brief’…..


    KP……..’…(sounds of sniffling)… now they’re calling Morgan the ‘New Bevan’… Bevan !!.. Craig Kieswetter, the ‘New Hayden’… Hayden!!… I Have To Get A Score. (sobbing )…

    Sim and Shane raise an eyebrow and continue looking over their bank statements in tranquillity. ‘Let it run on, Sim. ‘…

    KP…..’ … and me, a celebrity!!.. and about to be a father!!.. the school fees!!.. the .. bleeep.

  2. oh well.. the commentator ( British ) is telling us all how Kev did so well in the nets yesterday.. he was in their for the longest time, even after everyone else left. a few young Bangla blokes came up to bowl to and for him, and he hit a few tremendous sixes from the nets.. so that’s lovely, isnt it… unfortunately, those few young Bangla bowlers bowled him out, and Kev left the nets..

    (this story was told in the most pathetic manner, like as if one was speaking of the dead ) … So Kev should be right today.

  3. If Morgan keeps up his form and Kev keeps failing it’s reasonable to assume that Morgan could be in the Test team before the end of the English summer.

    Truly, if KP doesn’t fill his boots against Bangladesh home and/or away he deserves to be dropped.

    Just about to turn on the third ODI from Bangladesh and I’m expecting a big England win. Rarely do the Bangas play well twice in a row.

  4. and here’s Kev.. out to bat..

  5. Nesta.. it is my fervent wish, my rabid desire that Kev ISNT dropped. No..

  6. well well well. Kev has had a shave and all. He looks a bit pale, a bit nervous…

  7. no.. my mistake.. that was Kieswetter, all shaven and spivvied.. Kev seems to have a sort of nutso 7 o’clock shadow thing going.. but he does look nervous.

  8. it’s going to be Kev ‘s day. A six, and now he’s telling Kieswetter how to get a six , too.

    Who is this truly dire English commentator? Barry?? Gary??

    • Dominic Cork was on TMS. Really ghastly. Should never be allowed back.

  9. and there goes Kev..

  10. I meant to add, there goes Kev, absolutely furious.. 22 LBW.

  11. The Gorgeous Vettori has been setting his impeccable fields, yet again.. AU taking a bit of a hammering at Eden Park… The Punter got done like a dogs dinner and now it’s up to Hussey and Cam White…..

  12. just the most spectacular catch by Haddin, Mc Cullum, out for 27..

    * mad woofing by Mango

    • Pepp, that would have been a perfectly straight forward catch by whoever was the first slip behind him. I wish Haddin would concentrate on the simple things of wicketkeeping and stop poaching into the first slips territory. It’s going to cost us as Cam or Watto must be getting jumpy standing next to him.

      Did you see about three overs later he didn’t go for one much closer to him and it just flew between him and Cammie? He’s fooling with the slippers’ heads with that sort of lark.

      • Point taken, Lou… in this context, it truly was spectacular, though.. Cam .. or was it Watto?? was moving in the opposite direction , did Haddin see this out of the corner of his eye??

        Christ, Mc Cullum is blazing away.. *groan*

  13. Scotty Styris up to Mitch again.. lots of NZ hooting.. lovely.. Styris’s Brudders in the stand are a wild and whacky looking mob. And Styris is hitting fours off Mitch, the howling in the stands is extraordinary!!

  14. A close call for Oz. Good bowling by Harris at the death was enough to see them over the line. The Chappell/Hadlee is again proving to be a great contest. It’s one of my favourite cricketing series because the cricket is always fierce and the matches are often fought to the last wicket or run.

    • We don’t get coverage in the UK which is such a shame.

  15. There goes Kev, yet again. Out for 2.

    I don’t understand what you mean by ‘we don’t get coverage in the UK’. ….is the internet censored in the UK.? Just cricket games? or.. huh??

    Just about any match anywhere in the world is available to watch, and easily accessed. 99% of it is free, as well. I’ve only had the distressing (to me) experience of non english commentatiing once, I think. Even then it was not a problem.

    I won’t quickly forget a wonderful time I had listening, and watching a match, India V Au that was , for some unknown reason crossmatched with a fabulous elderly gentleman in Gujerat who broadcast the match live from his loungeroom in synch with the televised pictures. He was a classic. There wasn’t anything about cricket he didn’t know and his enthusiasm was so engaging.

    At various times, the family would wander in, bringing him some nimbu pani, a small snack, queries as to his laundry, tiny little vignettes of Gujerati life. Neighbors would stroll through offering debate and advice.. it was mesmerising.
    I have been unable to find him again, no doubt Rupert put the kibosh on him.

    My favourite, too, N. It’s so… so.. intimate.

    This new trend of booing the Punter et al has really taken off, I notice. I am curious as to how the acoustics of the MCG and the Gabba will eventuate.

  16. Oh dear, poor old Kev gone cheaply again. Starting to be a habit. I’ll bet he’s still hitting them well in the nets though, so that’s OK.
    Pondering the entertainment KP provides, I think its the broader English context that adds so much enjoyment. The way so many new players are already champions after the first few games, like Monty was going to be a world beater, Broad was the new Flintoff, who was himself the new Botham, Anderson was “arguably the best bowler in the world”, Swann…, now it’s Morgan who is the latest world beater, after I think two innings. Two! KP was of course destined for greatness, he told us himself. It seems a very English approach, whereas Australia, which lost the services of most of its senior bowlers this summer, simply found highly credible replacements, without fanfare. And they performed such that Lee retired, and Bracken and Clark probably won’t play again.

  17. and you can watch the NZ v AU at Hamilton free and excellently ( and legally) here..

  18. oo Dougie.. he bowled a ripper at Mc Cullum. wicket shattered, but Ross Taylor is as batmad as Brendan…

    Ricky won the toss and decided to field, an rare deviation for the Punter.. They all have football boots on, ground a bit damp.

  19. Good game, NZ on the ropes but playing it out to the end, naturally.

    Have no dispute with Pup flying home to sort out Lara’s problems. My dispute begins should he feel he has to come back. He had a Very Important Job and she does nothing as far as I can tell.

    Bring on Bailey.

    • I agree, he should just stay home for the duration. What worries me is that the Bingle is very into seeing herself in the media and she doesn’t seem to care about the reason.

      Is this just the first of many trips home for Michael during overseas tours? I don’t want him as the captain if this is setting a precedent.

  20. No one’s going to talk about the Pakistani Board’s banning of Yousuf, Younis- Malik, Rana Naved, Afridi and the Akmal brothers?

    Would appreciate any Pakistani visitor here to provide some insight into the reasons behind an almost life ban of Yousuf and Younis.Is it match fixing? If not, why such a harsh punishment?

  21. I am loathe to burble about Pakistan Cricket Board on any matter, Kumar.. I don’t speak or read Urdu, and I can’t figure out exactly why this is going on. I was shocked a few weeks ago at the fine levied on Shoab Akhtar, as well.

    Why the mystery ?? help, someone.

  22. PCB now saying that it is not a lifetime ban.

    Who knows what is really going on?

  23. What sort of world is this where Mohammad Yousef would be given an indefinite ban? It’s vagueness makes it even worse than an outright life ban. It would be so sad if we never saw him bat again except in country cricket.
    You almost wish the ICC had the power to step in for such extreme cases and try to apply some oil on troubled water. I realise what a ridiculous statement that is of course, given the ICC’s track record.
    Maybe it will make more sense as it plays out over the next week or so.

  24. Just scanning and catching up on cricket news, Clarke gone home because his model wife was snapped showing a bit of skin etc.
    All well and good, but the Roebuck article in The Age that cricinfo linked to must be the most poisonous thing I’ve read for a long time. He’s had his moments before, but he’s joined the English tabloids here.
    I don’t really understand the hostility to Bingle or Clarke, they’re just celebrity/star athlete doing what they do, but really, the attack from Roebuck is extraordinary. He really must have some personal issues to be using his platform to write like that.
    Ah well, it’s only sport, I should just shrug my shoulders.

  25. well…it’s his hatefullest since this one..

    But Roebuck has his target audience.. it ain’t you and me, Fred.

    It wasn’t long before Roebuck had to backstep on the Katich Indian Ponting stuff. .. he may have to on this recent one. Even his poor old Dad said Peter has never had a relationship with man, woman or beast in his entire life.

    • of course, I can’t be sure about the beast thing.. none of them have ever given an interview. Then again, they may well have, but I lack the skills to interpret the woofs and snorts.

      • Attacking the team for its behaviour was one thing, but the personal vitriol towards Bingle in the latest offering is astounding. And his belief that he has the right to tell Clarke how to live his life…
        The guy’s a nutcase.
        God knows who his intended audience is. I scanned the first dozen or so comments following the article, reassuringly they were all highly critical of the author.
        Maybe Clarke has crossed him in the past, and he saw his opportunity for revenge.

        • Roebuck seems generally poisonous to me and I try to avoid his stuff in the Oz papers and in cricinfo. I’ve had enough of his cut-rate moralising.

          • I’m coming round to that view though I used to enjoy the profiles he wrote ten or so years ago.

  26. oops… this one, I meant. ..

  27. total batting madness in Auckland.. Daryll ‘ the Whacker’ Tuffey slashing sixers , and now Bond following suite,.. ay, Ryan Harris catches Daryll from his own bowling, thankgod almighty.

  28. My haunt, Duckworth Lewis has entered the fray in Auckland.. even though I have a nifty little calculator especially predicated on DL I still cannot work it out, my eyes have gone all skinny trying to do it.

    AU has a chase of 85 from 84 balls with 7 wickets remaining. Unless it drizzles again.

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