Posted by: tootingtrumpet | March 19, 2010

The Strauss Tapes – Part XXVII


“Congratulations Cookie. Left-handed openers have to be top drawer to make a ton in their debut Test as captain – well, maybe not absolutely top drawer against Bangladesh on a road as opposed to, say, Pakistan at Lord’s eh?

I hope you’ve had a strong word with Swanny. Tell him that acting like Shane Watson is not going to make him look like Shane Watson . The Press over here are very keen to take him down a peg or two, (frankly, aren’t we all) so he’d better hold back on the send-offs – he can practise them in the nets for The Ashes. Belly can be the target – might toughen him up a bit.

Your mate Ravi is going well in the IPL. He’s racking up the runs, raking in the rupees and up to his neck in wannabee Bollywood starlets I expect. How’re things in Dhaka?

Tell KP that just because he doesn’t count tons against Bangladesh doesn’t mean he has to get out on 99. Yes you can tell him that I think he played well and if he’d scored half as many again, he’d have played as well as Colly.

I hear that this bloke Treadwell is in line for a call-up. Who is he? I’ve never heard of him but the photo on Cricinfo makes him look old enough to be Mushfiqur’s dad. I phoned Keysey to ask about him, but Keysey was asleep having been summarising for Sky (or listening to Butch on TMS – one of the other).

Anyway – good luck with the cheap runs and, remember, if you win the toss, bat and don’t declare ’til you have a thousand up.”



  1. Anyone have a live video feed for Aus NZ? The IPL circus is gumming up my usual channels.

    Good comment regarding KP vs Colly, too.

  2. Try this Fred. Not perfect but you know the drill about beggars and choosers. No Watto, Hughes gone early slashing (AGAIN!) Harris on debut and North instead of Smithy. Ponting and Kat are digging in just after lunch as I write. 93/1

    • Many thanks Nesta.

  3. or this one, Fred, if the other goes bung.

    btw, Fred.. apropos of bugger all, the drought is officially over in many parts of NSW and QLD, the lakes are filling, the rivers are running, it’s like a golf course from Wilcannia to Innaminka.

    Daily, on the NASA earth watch site the Channel Country is sending that water down the Diamantina, the Warrego, the Barcoo, Coopers Creek, the Darling and , by God, into the Murray. Pelicans have been seen making their way up from the coast with backpacks, and compass inland, in expectation of The Big Water coming down by April.

    • Amazing picture, not very often you see a green Australia. Trust the pelicans, the birds always know don’t they?
      I suppose the question is will it stay, or will it just flood and then dry out again. Nice to have some good news for a change anyway.

  4. I shed a bit of a tear watching Mattie Hayden slog for Chennai last night. I wuv woo, Matt. One good thing about the IPL is that slight break from the usual abuse of Australian cricketers from the usual source tends to lay down and wither on the vine during it. It’s kinda odd how AU cricketers manage, miraculously, to not sledge and cheat during the IPL. How DO they do it, I wonder?

    Pup and Marcus still whacking away at Wellington……

  5. marvellous wicket by Mitch just then, a suicidal run for a single, Mitch bowling, the ball gets hit in Mitch’s run path, he punts it gently with his boot into the wicket.

    oh dear. Mitch takes off like a madman, helplessly giggling.. oh dear.. o dear.

  6. Eng v Bangalore… an interesting innings here by Bangalore.. Swann and Broad were dragged around the block this morning, and this afternoon a bit as well. Conditions very hot, ( for England) about 36 on the ground, and humid, uncomfy , I’d say.

  7. According to these Brit commentators, Finn is a certainty for the Ashes team in AU. So I like watching him on those grounds alone.. he’s an expensive bowler, all things considered.

  8. I’ll be happy of Finn rocks up to the Big Place, here. No problems. Along with this astonishingly ugly bloke, Tredwell, I think? .. Bring ’em all. England collectively seem to be wilting in the heat, a build up of frustration and crankiness, Prior snarling away at himself, his bowler, the fielders, the batsman, the umpire, anyone at all.

    Pietersen did a plonkers misfield, and Prior steamed all over the place. Broad seems to have melted. Well.. he went to the gent’s some hours ago and hasn’t come back as far as I can see.

  9. Is Finn the ‘New McGrath??’ I forget who is, these days.. so many come and go. ….I know that Prior isn’t the ‘New Gilchrist’, but is he the ‘New Haddin’?

    Is Tredwell the ‘New Siddle’???

    • No, you’ve git it all wrong, Finn is the new Broad. That space was vacant because Broad has become the new Flintoff. And apparently the new KP is now the old KP again.

      • I’ve got it all wrong?? Jaysus , Mary and Joseph, not again. Finn is the ‘New Broad’. Ok, then. Then who is the ‘New McGrath’? the ‘New Slater’ ? I know for sure that Eoin was to be the ‘New Hayden’. Don’t tell me I have that wrong as well. It’s awful.

        I am sure of who ISN”T, you know.. I know Anderson won’t be the ‘New Gul’. I know Cook won’t be the ‘New Ponting’.

        It’s very hard to keep track of all this. I might go for a moonlight swim.

        I am so glad that KP is now the ‘Old KP’.. I was dreading him being dropped, and every blog I read on this matter only raised my hackles as to the selfishness of it all. Those who wanted him dropped were merely thinking only of themselves and not the Great Australian Cricket Public, unwashed, unadorned, and unforgiving. WE WANT KP here, right here, getting shatted and clattered from dawn to dusk , right around this big bastard of a country, from the Indian to the Pacific. Yes.

        It’s the least I expect for my parting with heavy bags of folding paper for my series tickets.

        • I wonder if Swann is the new Monty: the champion, world-beating spinner… who fades from view after a couple of years. (Shame really, Monty was great value.)
          Best not to try to understand English selection policy, it does your head it. As Pattinson would testify. They don’t understand it themselves, what chance do we have?

          KP, yes, flew home last time with a McGrath’d rib. Well, he’s retired, so we need someone else needs to target him. North maybe, or Katich?

          Watched a little bit last night, and I must say, Vettori is a seriously cool guy. Very charismatic, which shines through even the dodgy internet video stream.

  10. Nobody expects Finn or Tredwell to play an Ashes Test.

  11. au contraire, my good tooting.. none other than the esteemed Atherton, and Willis have stated just this day, on public broadcasting, that this is indeed the case.

    If you are proposing that these feelings re the non appearance of the named men are yours alone, that’s fine.

    However.. I take on board the mumblings of Messers Willis and Atherton on this matter as considered and most probably likely.

    • perhaps not Tredwell. .. He is simply tooo tooo amusing to be let loose in AU. But certainly Finn. Who is dropped in place of him, I have no idea, and could care less. I am in agreement. He isn’t that great, among a plethora of mediocre, so hey, welcome to the Gabba, Finn ( for whom the nickname ‘Hammerhead’ has already been coined in certain circles. )

  12. You know.. this England fielding is truly grim. I know that there are some who actually don’t like to watch, and prefer to merely listen, and have all this terribleness filtered out and all that, but truly. To see this fielding is to die of embarassment.

    Alrighty.. last ball delivered. Well played , Bangla, it would have been better played if that revolting sweep shot was banned from anyones repetoire, but for Bangla, it was good.

  13. Hmm, 150 is pretty sad.

  14. What a heartbreaker. Without fail, I always expect NZ to give AU a sudden clobbering , and then this happens. When Ross Taylor went out yesterday, I began to get nervous for NZ, and so it has eventuated. Danny’s heart must be in pieces.

  15. Strange things going on at Dhaka. England started off with a determined sense of listlessness, it was as if it was days end, instead of days beginning. Broad wandered off after 1/2 an hour and stayed off for hours.

    Captain Cook ignored all field placements, it was choose your own day, Eng fieldsmen chose wierd places, so the Bangla batsmen banged it to where a fielder wasn’t. Again and again.

    England into bat , now.

  16. well. .. Kev is into bat, now. I am going to stick my neck out and state that he looks about to crash and burn. Jiggling, chimpanzeeing, gloves ON, gloves OFF, shoulder shimmying, all the signs.

    Cook went out, because he hit a ball precisely to a fielder, who was placed there with precision by the Bangla Cap.

  17. Kev did go out, at 45, to his own outstanding astonishment. He stared at the ground for a full minute, eyes widened in total disbelief before accepting his own madness. But enough of Kev. Trott is slower than Keppler , I reckon.

    At work again on a Monday in Sydney, my week ends tonight, thankgod. And with usual NZ understatement, it’s a ‘breeze’ in Wellington. The trees are bent in half, ships in the harbour on a hideous roll.

    The Lovely Vettori and McCullum plugging away , lifting the score with tremendous resolution, everyone in jumpers and vests and skivvies, except Dougie who would do it barechested if he was allowed.

    McCullum is provoking Doug into teeth-grinding fury. The wind, the score, that bloody Mc Cullum, it’s driving Bollinger completely nuts. Lovely.

  18. Trott finally went out. Agonising stuff. Dire. 64 off 195 balls. He occupied the crease longer than England occupied India. That’s what it felt like. Therefore, he will be chosen for the Ashes tour, most certainly. Which will be terrific. Trotts plonking dismissal of himself was in the idiocy x 10 range after all that time.

    Banga’s are getting some very, very bad umpire decisions, really bad, Koertzen like stuff.

    Prior at the bat, with Bell. Prior snarling away at the Bangla wickie, fielders, bowler, at his bat, at his boots, and his own gloves. Snarl, gurn, snarl. Bangla’s giggling back. Prior and Bell very pleased with themselves, oh no.. not now, Prior out, and a lucky man, really. He was well and truly out on 9.

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