Dan? Straussy. Just wanted to congratulate you on your 100th Test. How many of them have you actually won? Really? Well it’s 31 more than I thought if I’m honest Dan.
Anyway, after that ten wicket mauling in your 99th, I thought you might appreciate a tip or two on how to beat Punter’s lot in your 100th. There’s a few ways that work. No, I’m not talking about reverse swing or anything technical, I mean lose a Test, fool them into retaining the same XI for the final Test on a dusty one, then win the toss and bat. Remember to bowl for run outs when Punter is on strike – worked for us in 2005 and 2009. You did the first part, but where’s the dustbowl? Well, yes, I suppose there aren’t many down your way, especially in the winter.
You should let rip with Bondy, he’s really sharp, then block one end with Oram. Scotty Styris is just the kind of annoying medium pacer that’ll get Haddin and MJ popping one up in the air. What? None of them? Are they all in the IPL then? Well if you don’t know, I’m not likely to know am I? I think Ravi is there and Owais too – he’s not at Middlesex nets anyway – not many are if truth be told, and those that do turn up don’t have the Crusaders kit, if we’re still called that.
Anyway, I’m off the point. It must be great to pull on the Black Cap for the hundredth time. What? It’s only 99 + that phoney-baloney World XI piss up in Aus? Jeez… I know it’s good to talk to you Dan, but these international calls cost a fortune…