Posted by: tootingtrumpet | March 28, 2010

The Strauss Tapes – Part XXVIII

Dan Vettori yesterday.


Dan? Straussy. Just wanted to congratulate you on your 100th Test. How many of them have you actually won? Really? Well it’s 31 more than I thought if I’m honest Dan.

Anyway, after that ten wicket mauling in your 99th, I thought you might appreciate a tip or two on how to beat Punter’s lot in your 100th. There’s a few ways that work. No, I’m not talking about reverse swing or anything technical, I mean lose a Test, fool them into retaining the same XI for the final Test on a dusty one, then win the toss and bat. Remember to bowl for run outs when Punter is on strike –  worked for us in 2005 and 2009. You did the first part, but where’s the dustbowl? Well, yes, I suppose there aren’t many down your way, especially in the winter.

You should let rip with Bondy, he’s really sharp, then block one end with Oram. Scotty Styris is just the kind of annoying medium pacer that’ll get Haddin and MJ popping one up in the air. What? None of them? Are they all in the IPL then? Well if you don’t know, I’m not likely to know am I? I think Ravi is there and Owais too – he’s not at Middlesex nets anyway – not many are if truth be told, and those that do turn up don’t have the Crusaders kit, if we’re still called that.

Anyway, I’m off the point. It must be great to pull on the Black Cap for the hundredth time. What? It’s only 99 + that phoney-baloney World XI piss up in Aus? Jeez… I know it’s good to talk to you Dan, but these international calls cost a fortune…



  1. Is the Taswegian on strike?

    • I’ve missed him too.

  2. overheard in the garden bar, players pavilion, Hamilton, the soft murmur of the Waikato River as backdrop.

    Play has ended early, bad light, and Punter and Dan and the mob are having a cool drink.

    (Vettori)………’ got a phone call from Squadron Leader Wingnut this morning’….. .

    *giggling and snorting*

    (Ponting)…….’. lemme guess, Dan.. he had ‘advice’ or ‘tips’ for you?’…..

    (Vettori)………’oh yeah.. burble about Owais and Ravi, too, plus Styris and Bond and all..’

    ( more snorting and giggling )

    (Ponting) ……’ we’ll be taking care of Wingnut, Dan. Hope you kept his number, you might want to ring him back after the Ashes series. Give him some tips, …’

    (all round snorting and giggling)_… the Waikato runs on, deep and smooth…

  3. Some very cruel person has posted photos of Ian Bell when he was a youngster. The difficulty he has had to step up to international cricket was written all over his face even at that age. Striking contrast with the young Vettori, whose photo oozes leadership potential.
    But it’s clear that even then, in his formative years, he seemed to struggle with things like combs and razors.

    • Young Dan looks monged to me Fred. Don’t know what photo you are viewing.

      • Maybe, but nonetheless that doesn’t preculde what I said:)

  4. Just been watching Colin Firth in the film Dorian Grey. Absolute dead ringer for Strauss. The upright righteousness is magnificent.
    No gin dens in Australia, but maybe Strauss can continue the tradition of boozing English captains later this year? I think Broad is going to be a lot of fun under the sun.

  5. Fred…. again.. the Big Wet…may be of interest.

    ah.. but Vettori had the Black Prince, Stephen Fleming as apprentice master…..

    Broad as fun.. I am counting on it.

  6. Absolutely extraordinary video clip Pepp, thanks for posting the link. I look at The Australian from time to time just to catch any big news that may be happening, I don’t recall any coverage of this, which is strange as it seems like it will transform the country. Amazing to see.

  7. Thanks for that video, Pepp. Hadn’t heard about that. A body of water half the size of Europe sweeping through the country and it doesn’t make the news here in Germany. Didn’t notice it in any Aus papers, though I don’t read them much.

    Watching a bit of Aus v NZ. The commentators are the worst I’ve ever heard. Are they broadcasting from the local pub?

    • GM.. this is not the foaming Arno in flood, your Rhine at a banker, the Rhone misbehaving , your Elbe at full speed… its a slow wide .. so very very wide.. 1/2 Europe wide , nation of water travelling unimpeded from north to south down the continent. There is nothing to stop it. No mountains, no hills, even. Dry ancient river beds increase the speed of it, but do not lessen the range of it. It is too simply fabulous . Am I thrilled? does it show?

      these poor NZ commentators.. they have tried so hard to be upbeat, but it is surely getting to them today.. … Johnson strikes again!…

  8. Look at the blue sky in that video. Thanks Pepp, I hope it does get to the Murray.

  9. I am glad you all enjoyed the vid.. in a way, GM, it’s a difficult one to report, a flood that’s fabulous news, that has caused rejoicing, one of Nature’s Great Events.. my plonking this on the blog was started by Fred who asked how things were on the land here in AU, unknown to me at the time was all this water ready to drop after 11 years of relentless and dispiriting drought, rather like being a Prisoner of War.. you don’t know how long it’s going to be.

    No one alive here in AU has seen anything like it, and no records exist of it happening before, although, naturally, it must have in times past.

    Lou, if it gets down the Darling, a whole other miracle in itself, it will get to the Murray, and to Lake Alexandrina, as well as backing up east along the Murray, right to where my stud stock of Perendale and Merino sheep are currently residing in a sort of Sheep Hilton, yarning away, playing cards, eating their heads off on cake and biscuit and being watered by what seems to be liquid platinum. It will take until about May, June to get to the Murray, via the Darling River. The magnificence of the Darling actually flowing!!.. hard to believe.. it has been a series of ponds, ever smaller ponds for nearly 15 years, now.

    And I see that the Punter has sent the sharks in. Bollinger, Johnson and Harris.

    • It would be something else if the Murray-Darling Basin had a long, slow drink all the way to it’s extremities. Bloody marvellous.

  10. I’d missed that aspect of it, no sooner had Pepp outlined how dry and desperate it was, than the skies open and enough water falls to embarrass Noah himself. To be fair, I can’t blame you for not predicting a 1 in a hundred year flood I suppose.

    Still can’t get over this, must be a lot of fun and joy in the bush now, despite the problems caused by the water.

    Cricket’s going well too.

  11. Thanks Pepp and Fred for the discussions on conditions in Aus. I’ve been reading along. It’s nice to read this blog and get a sensible perspective on cricket and even an update on conditions in Aus.

    Incidentally, Pepp, I’m always impressed when an Australian can speak a second language. Glad you didn’t waste your French on any of the philistines at the GU. (As far as I know, anyway!)

    What’s going to happen when all these injured players recover and these young players start coming more into the picture? I guess Harris would go for Siddle, but if they want to bring in Smith, would they drop Hauritz if he continues, or North?

    And has Johnson’s mother been charged yet for her involvement in the loss of the Ashes?

    • I think Studzie’s mum has been sent to sportsmen’s parental retraining school along with Yuvraj Singh’s embarrassing mother. I hope we don’t hear from Signora Studzy for quite some time.

  12. congratulations
    It’s nice to read this blog. And thanks for the video

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