Posted by: tootingtrumpet | November 25, 2010

The Strauss Tapes – Part XXXII

England's swinger


Right lads, we’re here to discuss strategy for the First Test. So KP, can you put down that i-Pad – we’ve all seen quite enough of your little man. Swanny – if you giggle like that at the tiniest innuendo, the camera will be shaking too much and your post-cricket career as a wedding videographer will go the same way that your international cricket career nearly went.

Okay – Stuart’s sister (is that why she’s here Stu? It’s not for Michael Clarke is it?) has done some stats for us and I’m going to highlight some key points on the big screen. Belly – have you got the stick? … Well go and get it will you? No it’s not Finny’s job, it’s still yours. Don’t answer back just because you got a hundred and something against Australia Z.

While we’re waiting for Belly, I want to talk about the toss. No Swanny, I’m not relaxing the rules on wives and girlfriends, I’m talking about the toss at The ‘Gabba (gee, if there was ever a ground named for you Swanny…). Anyway, you’ll all remember what happened to Nasser. Oh, tell Finny will you Jimmy while we get on. Yes Finny, he used to be England captain before he did the telly.

I take it that we’d all like a bat? Yes – I know you would Eoin – I’ll talk to you later. And don’t turn up to the next strategy meeting in the surfing outfit – it’s a bit of a heavy-handed way to make a point.

But if I don’t win the toss, I want to go through some bowling plans. For Watson, what do you suggest Jimmy? Yes well, I think Attitude have been in touch about a cover shoot, but I was talking about bowling. Yep, very straight. I’m talking about your bowling to Watson,  Jimmy, not your… oh don’t set Swanny off again. Look, I know you are and the cover pleased the marketing boys – well it would, wouldn’t it?

Interference on tape.

Right so any questions? Belly. No I don’t know where the bloody stick is and it’s too late now. No questions? Okay. Swanny – get the camera out and we’ll do the the version for youtube. Bres – start the dance now.




  1. Well, It’s Business As Usual for Ricky’s men.

    Sorry England, better luck next tour! The question now is how many days will it take for you to surrender the Ashes – not will you surrender the ashes.

    • Really – Aus haven’t faced two overs yet.

  2. Well, if one cant take a punt on the first day of the series, when will one?
    The more days pass, and more things become clearer which way the series is heading, the less it is a punt, no?

    I am calling it in favour of Australia – yes, too early but I have confidence in Ricky’s men, and more importantly, I am confident about England :-)

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