Australia’s bowlers were easy meat, so for a sterner challenge England’s captain-in-waiting, Alastair Cook, has been lurking around petting zoos slaughtering harmless woodland creatures.
With such splendid form under his belt an invitation to saddle up for a traditional Royal fox hunt can’t be too far away. The photograph of Alastair resplendent in faux-military uniform, complete with shiny jackboots, releasing the starving hounds will undoubtedly make many an English tabloid heart swell.
What I’m most looking forward to are his future holiday snaps. Imagine a grinning, beanie clad Alastair displaying his superior masculinity clubbing Harp seal cubs on the frozen ice in Canada and harpooning Humpback whale calves in the Southern Ocean.
They obviously breed hard men down Essex way and it’s disapointing that my almost forgotten ancestors from Southern England never brought their lust for bloodsports with them when they eloped to New South Wales nine score and seven years ago.
If they had I might have inherited the ignorance to rid myself of the pademelon grazing on the lawn, the echidna rutting in the shed and those pesky possums scratching up the towering gum in the backyard
99.94 
I can’t count the ways in which this photo is wrong.
By: fred on February 5, 2011
at 10:11 am
Nesta, where did this photo come from? I’m a bit flabbergasted about seeing a sportsman in the prime of his career, the most spectacular few months of his sporting life, having just conquered the old enemy so spectacularly, posing like this. Blowing the guts out of a little animal with his shotgun. It beggars belief. Have you doctored the photo?
By: fred on February 5, 2011
at 10:23 am
The photo has been doctored, yes.
By: justin on February 5, 2011
at 11:53 am
No Justin, the photograph is real. Unless you can substantiate your claim then your credibility, like the fawn, is shot. The photograph was taken by Graham Chadwick and it is used as a theme for an exclusive interview that appears in a major English newspaper. According to the article Alastair had the image framed and is so pleased with the kill that it takes pride of place in his new house. That could be poetic license but the photo is genuine. Check it out for yourself.
By: nestaquin on February 5, 2011
at 1:16 pm
It’s not a particularly pleasant picture, but I’d be slightly cautious about the context it’s being presented in. There’s no time frame given but this picture is not a recent one, he’s not just gone out and killed it to celebrate the ashes. Also, I’d ignore all that stuff about being particularly proud of it, that’s the writer making stuff up to create a theme for the piece. The Daily Mail is a disgraceful organ that literally makes up staories to fit what it wants to say, and example being here:
http://nosleeptilbrooklands.blogspot.com/2011/01/true-story-of-daily-mail-lies-guest.html
And given that he’s in jeans and a muddy adidas jacket, I’m not convinced there’s anything faux-military going on. He’s get a right royal rollicking if he turned up for parade like that and would be cleaning out the dunnies with a toothbrush for a month.
Having said that, I’m with you Nesta in accepting the authenticity of the photo. Hunting’s a very divisive subject over here. Personally, killing animals is just not my thing. I’m prepared to take out a spider, but only because we just don’t get on. It’s them or me. Beyond that I’ll leave it to others.
On the other hand, country life isn’t all high tea and Pimms. If they skinned the deer and ate it, or sold it on for food, then I really don’t have a problem with it.
It’s an interesting decision to allow it to be used in the article though, and one he may come to regret.
By: percinho on February 5, 2011
at 7:52 pm
Hunting deer has gone on for centuries, and the chances are that the deer population from which that one came only continue to exist because they’re part of an estate which keeps them around to cater for hunting. We don’t really have wild animals here and haven’t had them for a long time. Deer populations have a very small number of areas where they can live and their numbers are carefully controlled through licensed hunting. I can understand how you might find it distasteful that people take pleasure in it, but that doesn’t change the fact that hunting is necessary.
Your ancestors may not have arrived in Australia with a desire to hunt the native fauna, but that doesn’t stop thousands of kangaroos being shot for dogfood each year. Is this really any different just because Bambi is cuter than Skippy ?
By: Sassenach on February 5, 2011
at 8:04 pm
The photo is taken on his Girlfriend’s farm, and it’s obvious that he’s been culling some of the local deer population as part of a population control.
True it might not necessarily be a pleasant image, it is almost certainly better than hunting the deer with dogs (as used to be the case up until the late 1990s).
This article gives a better context as to why he was culling the deer: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/environment/ecology/3463388/500000-deer-must-be-culled-to-protect-countryside-from-damage-by-herds.html
By: Paul Frame on February 5, 2011
at 9:35 pm
Well regardless if hunting had gone on for years, you certainly should never be proud of this and pose like a twat. It’s a disgrace
By: laurahoward86 on July 20, 2015
at 11:29 pm
Nesta – fox-hunting is illegal in the UK.
I don’t like what goes on in farming to the extent that I haven’t eaten meat for over 25 years (though I wear leather – I’m not claiming sainthood). I’m more interested in the conditions in which the animals live when alive and their method of slaughter – and I’m certain that many, many worse things go on down on the farm – ie agrobusiness unit – in the name of cheap meat and ritual and non-ritual slaughter.
I thought pig-hunting was a pursuit of Australian cricketers of recent vintage and I’m not sure fishing is much better. To me it’s all distasteful taking of pleasure in the suffering and death of sentient animals so I want as little as possible to do with it. Generally, I’m against stuff being banned – and there’s more important matters for our government to look at than hunting. I’d rather people just didn’t do it.
By: tootingtrumpet on February 5, 2011
at 10:36 pm
Just a quick additional point. I’m all for active management of the countryside re culling etc as man has been doing that for thousands of years. The question is not whether it should go on, but how and in whose interests.
By: tootingtrumpet on February 5, 2011
at 10:39 pm
The Forestry Commission has some excellent data about Deers and why they (the forestry commission) think that the numbers of Deer in the UK need to be controlled.
Click to access fcpn6.pdf
Deer culling
Culling together with good design and protection
measures will normally be needed. To prevent a deer
population from increasing, around 20–25% of the adults
would need to be shot each year. Culling should
concentrate on mature females to control populations.
There is no single recommended population level to aim
for; an acceptable deer population is that which the area
can sustain without unacceptable damage to local interests.
It is important for local landowners and managers to cooperate to share information, discuss objectives and
organise deer management. Where serious damage occurs
expert advice should be sought. Culling must be carried
out safely, legally and humanely. There are strict laws
covering deer shooting and the use of firearms; the laws in
Scotland are different from those in England and Wales.
Who can carry out deer culling?
Landowners normally have rights to shoot wild deer on
their land. In Scotland tenants have the right to shoot deer
which are causing damage to enclosed woodlands, crops
or grassland. In England and Wales tenants rights are
more variable; tenants should check their leases, etc., and
seek advice. Legal close seasons when deer may not
normally be shot vary between species, sexes and
countries. If you own or occupy land but have little or no
experience of deer, it is best to seek expert advice and help
with culling and deer management. Competent trained
stalkers are essential especially in highly populated areas.
Several bodies give training and award certificates to
stalkers. Local offices of the Forestry Commission,
Agricultural Development and Advisory Service (in
England and Wales), the British Deer Society (BDS) and
the British Association for Shooting and Conservation
(BASC) may be able to advise you of qualified stalkers in
your area.
By: Paul Frame on February 6, 2011
at 12:17 am
It’s fairly clear in the article that accompanies the photograph that Cook shot the animal for sport. He only shot one. That isn’t a cull. Also, there are non-violent alternatives for wildlife management. Wildlife corridors are very common in my neck of the woods as is capture and release sterilisation. Justifying killing with rules and regulations and excuses doesn’t lessen its brutality.
By: nestaquin on February 6, 2011
at 1:14 am
It is a fair & reasoned standpoint to be opposed to the slaughter of animals.
The Daily Hate does have a habit of blowing things out of all proportion, and many Test cricketers have served in the armed forces, slaughtering human beings just because of politics. :-)
By: Paul Frame on February 6, 2011
at 2:07 am
If they ate the meat from the deer, I don’t think that he is doing anything so horrendous. I wouldn’t want to kill an animal with a gun, but I like fishing and even better, I like eating what I catch.
By: lou on February 6, 2011
at 1:27 am
I feel more lost in the countryside 20 miles away than I would in another city 12,000 miles away.
By: tootingtrumpet on February 6, 2011
at 2:08 am
You may or may not approve of hunting, but but either way, he still looks ridiculous.
Great shame to see what has become of Amir, probably the end of his career.
By: fred on February 6, 2011
at 8:30 am
Hunting deer is perfectly natural. Humans have been killing and eating deer for as long as there have been humans, and in fact for thousands of years prior to the evolution of modern humans. We’re almost certainly hardwired to enjoy it too, for that very reason. Crawling around in the mud for hours with a rifle in my hand wouldn’t really appeal to me as a leisure pursuit, but I can totally understand Cook getting a thrill out of shooting a deer because men have been getting a kick out of killing animals for tens of thousands of years. I honestly don’t see that he’s done anything wrong.
By: Sassenach on February 7, 2011
at 1:08 am
War is perfectly natural. Humans have been killing each other for as long as there have been humans, and in fact for thousands of years prior to the evolution of modern humans. We’re almost certainly hardwired to enjoy it too, for that very reason. Crawling around in the mud for hours with a rifle in my hand wouldn’t really appeal to me as a leisure pursuit, but I can totally understand Cook getting a thrill out of shooting because men have been getting a kick out of killing each other for tens of thousands of years. I honestly don’t see that he’s done anything wrong.
By: nestaquin on February 7, 2011
at 7:48 am
Nesta, I can see this is an emotional subject for you so possibly I should steer clear, but seriously now, are you actually trying to imply a moral equivalence between killing a deer and killing another human being ?
By: Sassenach on February 7, 2011
at 9:38 am
Firstly, the post was written to poke some fun at Alastair Cook. Admittedly it is more in the style of David Brent than Spike Milligan and therefore, I understand that it may have gone over a few heads.
Your argument above could be used to justify cannibalism, misogyny, slavery and plenty of other wicked things humans do and have done throughout millennia.
I’m neither emotional or trying to alter minds but it is no coincidence that some of the finest minds in recorded human history; Pythagoras, Da Vinci, Einstein, Gandhi, to name but a few, and also some of the most enduring of texts, recognise that compassion for animals is intimately connected with goodness of character.
I accept not everybody is able to see that. It’s the world I live in. It doesn’t make me angry nor do I want people to change. I’m here to have a good life not save the world. However, I know wholeheartedly that while humanity willingly sheds the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony because slaughter and compassion cannot dwell together.
Arthur Conan Doyle describes the process many experience when they peek beyond their cloak of conditioning.
At the moment our human world is based on the suffering and destruction of millions of non-humans. To perceive this and to do something to change it in personal and public ways is to undergo a change of perception. Nothing can ever be seen in quite the same way again because once you have admitted the terror and pain of other species you will, unless you resist, be always aware of the endless permutations of suffering that support our society.
By: nestaquin on February 7, 2011
at 11:36 am
“Your argument above could be used to justify cannibalism, misogyny, slavery and plenty of other wicked things humans do and have done throughout millennia. ”
I take your point, but I think you’re wildly exaggerating. For a start, all of those things are merely acts of cruelty which some, but certainly not all, peoples have taken part in whereas hunting is part the very foundations of what being human is all about. We’re an omnivorous species which evolved over the millennia to hunt other species for our dinner and domesticated various other species in order to ultimately kill and eat them. It’s ridiculous to suggest that cattle farming is akin to slavery and hunting akin to murder. To do so is to devalue the seriousness with which we view slavery and murder. Which is not say of course that I think anything goes where the welfare of wildlife is concerned, merely that we should be very wary of attempting to establish moral equivalence.
While I do understand that ‘this is what we’ve always done’ is an argument that could easily be abused, nevertheless I think when it comes to the issue of hunting it’s perfectly valid. We are a species of hunters and it would be unrealistic to expect us all to fight against our instincts.
By: Sassenach on February 7, 2011
at 6:19 pm
You seem to be very firm in your belief that people have an instinct to kill. I can honestly say that I’ve never felt it. Nor has my wife nor my mother nor my father nor my sisters. Perhaps its evolutionary.
Most people in the 21st century aren’t hunter gatherers and if they wish to experience a hunt there are other alternatives to guns. There is a growing movement of ethical trackers that use cameras to capture their prey.
Perhaps one day my friend your heart will open and you’ll see clearly. It’s a bit frightening at first but if you embrace peace and reject violence the world becomes a place of wonder, beauty and joy. Every day is brim full of laughter and love. It’s far easier than you’d ever imagine. All you need to do is let go.
I have no desire for argument and I think it would do you well to understand why you do. If you really desire a philosophical discussion I’ll humour you but be warned I’m armed and backed by some of the finest thinkers that ever lived.
Do you really believe that minds like Einstein and Da Vinci are wrong and you are right?
By: nestaquin on February 7, 2011
at 8:59 pm
Conan-Doyle’s quote is new to me, but that’s pretty much the thinking that went on in my head in December 1985, culminating in my eating meat (or fish) for the final time on Christmas Day. I don’t miss it, don’t condemn those that do eat meat, but I’m happy that my girlfriend and our kids aren’t party to what goes on in order to get meat to the table. I find shooting just as bad as factory farming – what happens to the animals just winged? Let to the tender mercies of foxes and rats I suppose.
My thirteen-year-old doesn’t seem to be stunted by no meat in his diet – he’s 73kg and 5ft 10 and still growing.
By: tootingtrumpet on February 7, 2011
at 11:02 pm
Very similar story in my family Toots. My kids are among the most athletic in their school and also excel academically. They’re very patient and nowhere near as fidgety as their contemporaries. They also haven’t been ill for as long as I can remember. Not even a sniffle last winter even though the school is the perfect breeding ground for spreading nasty little bugs.
I also don’t condemn those that choose a different diet. After all, we have our own paths to tread.
I still like Alastair too. He’s a nice if somewhat misguided young man but if he is going to shoot little animals and have them posted for the world to see he deserves to be sledged.
Anyway, if he was a real man he’d be posing Steve Irwin style with a bewildered and belligerent crocodile that he wrestled to the ground and tied up one-handed while sitting on its head. Extra points awarded if you do it in shorts!
By: nestaquin on February 8, 2011
at 12:56 am
I concur on all points Nesta!
By: tootingtrumpet on February 8, 2011
at 2:17 am
“Do you really believe that minds like Einstein and Da Vinci are wrong and you are right?”
Haha! now there’s a question….
I’d say there are doubtless a great many things about which they’re far more likely to be right than I am. But I’d also say that I don’t accept the premise that good character requires a vegetarian diet and if that puts me in the opposite camp to Einstein then I’m prepared to live with it. There are many far greater thinkers than I in the world, and not all of them are vegetarians….
By: Sassenach on February 8, 2011
at 3:35 am
No-one here has implied that people who eat meat are somehow evil or more violent than vegetarians. The discussion, framed entirely by yourself, was that humans are natural born killers.
By: nestaquin on February 8, 2011
at 12:49 pm
keeping my fingers crossed that he gets a duck next: ie a duck in every innings from now on
By: Gill on April 18, 2011
at 11:39 pm
because of his so called hunting prowess he is the last person i would of chosen as the England cricket captain I hope his failure as a batsman continues…Calls himself a man perhaps the lion on the loose will track him down.
By: Andrew Patterson on September 1, 2012
at 7:07 am
It’s a Chinese water deer fully grown non native, and more equivalent to Australians trying to eradicate rabbits and cane toads, but of course you didn’t do any research,and I’ll think you’ll find there are plenty if native animals in your country being slaughtered in the name if farming too. It doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t mean I agree. It just serves to point out you inherited more than enough ignorance to get by
By: karen Walker on July 19, 2015
at 9:14 pm
Hi. Thanks for the info. I didn’t write this post, which dates from some years ago. I don’t think animals should be hunted for fun though, even if some need culling from time to time.
By: tootingtrumpet on July 19, 2015
at 11:52 pm
He’s a sick fuck for hurting an innocent animal. What a poor excuse for a man. He sickens me. I feel sorry for his wife and kids.
By: Sandra on July 22, 2015
at 7:38 pm
Spot on, Sandra. Can’t believe he has kids with a 2″ dick he clearly has!
By: Mark on August 1, 2015
at 4:06 am
Well done Mark – he’s a bastard.
By: Shirley Pyne on August 1, 2015
at 5:41 am
I have always thought Alastair Cook was a wonderful cricketer and fine England captain but l couldn’t give a shit about him after seeing this. And that photo?! My God, he looks like the village idiot! Still, l’m sure he’ll be encouraged by Mr Pasty Face, oops, sorry, David Cameron, to join him on a hunt sometime, along with Jeremy Clarkson. Now there are three people l’d like to see chased by foxes and ripped to pieces! How does this pastime of hunting bring satisfaction to anyone? Is it because their 2″ penises can’t?! Hey, l’m just putting the question out there….Tally Ho!!!
By: Mark on August 1, 2015
at 4:05 am
Totally agree Mark – good piece of writing. I can see those bastards running whilst they were being blasted with a shotgun or shot with a crossbow – that’s something really worth watching. Evil bastards
By: Shirley on August 1, 2015
at 5:44 am
Culled or something whatever, you take life without thinking seriously is wrong. Now I don’t watch him or his cricket and even I like sport.
By: Robert Perkin on January 22, 2016
at 10:26 pm
I always thought Alastair Cook was a fine batsman but since l found out about his darker side l hate him as l hate and despise ALL people who hunt and take the lives of animals (and humans!) for NO reason whatsoever. The fact that he has this picture with his kill is sick, not least because he looks like a village idiot. To my mind,, people who hunt, to get some kind of perverted thrill from killing animals,need urgent psychiatric help. Friends tell me to believe in Karma, that what goes round comes round but, do you know what, sometimes l want something to come round immediately…Maybe l’ve got some Sicilian blood in me, l don’t know. Worryingly, on current batting form, Cook will have a lot more time to pursue and murder animals as he won’t be worth his place in the England team. Cook is a c..t, a f……g disgrace!!!
By: Mark on January 22, 2016
at 10:52 pm