Posted by: tootingtrumpet | August 1, 2015

The Ashes Lexicon – England

lexiconIn a return to an old favourite, here is an England Ashes Lexicon for 2015.

Lyth (v.t) – To chase something compulsively even though it is harmful to the person. (We were able to track the accused on security cameras as he lythed after his dealer round the back of the shopping mall).

Cook (v.t) – To do something well, but unconvincingly. (Your daughter has cooked impressive results at A level, but I feel that she’ll need to interview strongly to secure a place at an Oxbridge college).

Bell (v.t) – To do enough to retain a place in a hierarchy. (The drones include bees that travel great distances to discover new sources of nectar, but many simply bell the nearby meadows to satisfy the needs of the Queen and so enjoy the security of the hive).

Root (n) – An visually pleasing, but noisy object. (It’s all well and good riding round Italy on a Root, but a Ducati is just as stylish and speedy and has a better resale value).

Bairstow (v.i) – A lift’s stopping before it reaches the top floor of a building. (To get to the tenth floor roof garden, please walk the last flight of stairs of the fire escape as directed, because the lift bairstows on the 9th floor due to works access requirements).

Stokes (v.t) – To succeed and fail alternately at a task. (Murray must hope that he continues to stokes this match, as he serves to start the fifth set, with 6-0, 0-6, 6-0, 0-6 on the scoreboard).

Buttler (v.t) – To promise more than is delivered. (I prefer not to watch the trailers in the cinema these days – they just buttler too many movies).

Moeen (n) – A rare, beautiful, yet somehow unexplainable object. (We’ll know if this moeen is the biggest archeological find since the Rosetta Stone once we decipher its pictograms).

Broad (v.i) – To make a weak case to an authority. (The cutbacks in Legal Aid have inevitably led to less broading to Employment Appeals Tribunals, which has led to fewer delays in the administration of justice).

Finn (v.t) – To fail to drive a car smoothly when learning how to use the clutch. (On Sunday mornings in many supermarkets carparks, you can see teenagers getting impromptu driving lessons from parents, clumsily finning family hatchbacks backwards and forwards until they eventually smoothly shift from first to second to third).

Anderson (v.i) To make the most of favourable conditions. (With Ed Miliband failing to convince in England and the nationalist vote still angry after the post-referendum promises, in hindsight it was obvious that David Cameron would anderson his way back to Number Ten).

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