Good – I can hear you now. Does Jesse always get so loud when Essex win? Okay – yeah – I should have guessed that you can’t remember.
So you’re in a bit of nick – but are you sure Division Two runs count towards your First Class average? Goochie will know – nothing he didn’t know about averages. Well ask him when he finishes his next lap. Isn’t that dangerous in the dark? Yeah – I’ll bet Jesse says so.
I just wanted a quick check on your thoughts on whom I should be watching in the next round of Championship matches? It is “whom” yes – if you had gone to university, you’d know. Well, Jos and Eoin are playing IPL Alastair. Indian. Premier. League. Ask Jesse how he affords that Range Rover.
I was thinking of Lord’s? Okay, the wine cellar there is better true, but Sam Robson is playing. You must remember him? He got 127 against the Lankans at Headingley last time they were here when you got 17. And I can have a look at Compo too (don’t say that Cooky, he likes you really) and Finny. Obviously I’ll check that he’s landing it on the strip – that’s all in the past now surely?
I’ll tell you what, I’ll have a chat with Belly on the phone. But you don’t think he’s just a bit, well, part of our past now, do you? You know, like that complete (tape crackles…). He got a ton last week in Division One, and that’s proper cricket, so I’ve got to pretend to think about him at the very least. Just don’t mention his name to the Media will you?
Would you like me to pass on any messages? No, you can talk yourself to the kitchen about buying direct from your farm, I was thinking more about the players. Maybe a quiet word of encouragement to Toby Roland-Jones? He’s a bowler Cooky.
And say hello to Ed at Hove for me will you? Remind him that he’s always got a job at the ECB if he can’t sight it any more and the media stuff dries up. Well, an ex-Middlesex cabal makes a change from the ex-Essex cabal if you ask me Cooky.”