Posted by: tootingtrumpet | November 16, 2017

Ashes Preview – Leading figures from the Arts have their say

No faith in Jimmy nor Woakesy

“Whose batting will make the difference in the series? Whose captaincy will give their side an advantage? Whose media skills will work best? Whose relationship with the coach will prove most effective? Root’s Root’s Root’s Root’s” 

Ted Hughes

Ensuring pitches are well prepared and that hold-ups in play are minimised, will be important in protecting the credibility of Test Cricket. So much depends upon a red wheelbarrow filled with rain water beside the super-sopper.

William Carlos Williams

Toby Roland-Jones, Toby Roland-Jones, furnish’d and burnish’d by St John’s Wood sun, what strenuous spells you bowled after tea, but you’re out of the Ashes,- oh woe is me!

John Betjeman

How does a right bastard, ginger, son of a Kiwi and a Brit, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in Bristol by Stella Artois and anger, miss out on a chance to be a hero and a roo-basher?

Lin Manuel-Miranda

To bat, or not to bat: that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler at the crease to suffer the slings and arrows of Cummins and Starc on the body and shoulder arms against the wider ones, and by tiring them, end the day 175-3 off 90 overs?


A Swann, a Swann – my kingdom for a Swann (2010-11 version, duh, obvs).

Richard III

For a long time, I shall be going to bed late.

Marcel Proust

Experience is simply the name Geoffrey gives his successes.

Oscar Wilde

Friends, Aussies, Countrymen – lend Kim Hughes your tears.

Mark Antony

Hope is the thing of leather that perches in the hand and reaches the bat without movement and never swings at all.

Emily Dickinson

I wandered lonely as a cloud that floats on high o’er vales and hills, when all at once I saw a crowd, a host of gold and green bogans boozing.

William Wordsworth

Storm’d at with ball and bat, badly they played and then into the jaws of Death, into the mouth of Hell, strode the 18 picked last time we were there.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

Dear Mr Renshaw. If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of expletives, yours is The Urn and everything that’s in it, and – which is more – you’ll be an Aussie my son!

Rudyard Kipling

England? They’ll howl

Allen Ginsberg

O Rooty! My Captain! Our fearful trip is done. The team has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won. At least I hope so. But I doubt it.

Walt Whitman

The fielders sledge with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still. And their tune is heard on the Sydney Hill. For the Aus team sings of freedom to say what we like mate, as long as it stays on the field  – or it’s Sarwan or Harbhajan saying it.

Maya Angelou

It’s just a jump to the left and then a step to the right. With their hands on the bat, they bring their knees in tight. But it’s the Stuart Broad flinch that really drives me insane. Let’s do the Lillee and Thomson Timewarp again!

Richard O’Brien

Hey now, hey now – don’t dream it’s over. Until the umpire calls it or Warner might run you out.

Neil Finn

Pace. Pace changes everything. And we haven’t got any.

Andrew Lloyd-Webber

Kevin Pietersen should replace Joe Root. My friend, Donald Trump, agrees.

Piers Morgan


  1. Oh Gary….

  2. December is the crueliest, breeding
    Bouncer out of the dead strips, mixing
    Aussies and desire, stirring
    Dull Root to carry the entire top order.

    TS Eliot

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