Posted by: tootingtrumpet | February 27, 2009

The Strauss Tapes Part II

cubasetascamlAnother cassette has arrived at the door of the Tooting Trumpet in deepest South London. Postmarked “Sunny Barbados – the nation that saw through Stanford” inside was a tape, a transcript of which appears below.


“It’s all right lads – no need to stand up. Just a normal day at the office for Test captains. Mahela, Younis and er… the Australian one – we lead from the front you know. You did too didn’t you KP? For a bit anyway. Did you see that six to raise the century? You did, didn’t you Kev? I said, didn’t you Kev? The Man is back and he’s back big!”

“Great stuff from you too Cooky – though top class men go on to get the ton… as you saw.”

“Jimmy? Ryan? You saw that ball that got me? Unplayable eh? Completely unplayable. Got a damn fine player out when well set. That’s the template for you too – full, fast, swinging and on target, the way Simon Jones did in 2005 (there’s a thought).”

“Belly, stop smirking at Ace and get me a refill will you – just a bit more Cockspur this time. They will serve you – I’ve shown them your passport.”

“So there you go lads. I’ve set you up for the win – don’t screw it up like you did in Antigua.”

“Right – who’s turn is it to keep an eye on Fred and Harmy tonight. It’s two drinks maximum and not even a whisper of the word “pedalo”. Ravi – take the earphones out – can you do tonight?”




  1. I’m thoroughly enjoying this series of leaky baubles out of the English shed Toots. Saying that, I’m more impressed at the efficiency of your postman who in my opinion deserves a pay rise and an MBE to boot!

  2. Given what’s happening to as venerable an institution as The Post Office, it may just be enough to keep him in a job!

  3. Strauss seems such a nice boy, but these tapes are revealing a hard man underneath. He did learn his cricket in Australia after all (at least, the best bits of it), so not surprising.
    Reaching his ton with a 6: making a point to KP?
    Strauss was the right man for the job all along.

  4. If Strauss was allowed to continue his captaincy after the 2006 tour of Pakistan I think England would be a better cricket team. He should have skippered the last Ashes tour and although the result would have been the same the 5-0 score would have been different.

    For example, and I apologise in advance to Toots for even mentioning it, Adelaide. I’ll say no more!

  5. Nesta – The A word still makes me shake.

    Strauss is doing a fine job as captain, but it’s crucial that he has sorted out his batting technique. It’s all rather hard to believe to be honest, but a bit of luck with dropped catches and the LBWs can go a long way.

    Congrats to Straussy.

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